The Arts Hole

The Crow (2024)

 Bill Skarsgard perches on FKA Twigs before getting in a flap about her murder in this pointless, tedious remake of a film that actually wasn't that great in the first place. If some cultures believe that a crow will carry your spirit to the afterlife, and that sometimes, if something bad enough happens, it will bring you back again, this film is bad enough to make everyone involved functionally immortal.
 
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Sweet Home Ala-bingo!

 Remember the early 2000s? Remember the endless, cookie-cutter rom-coms? Remember when Republican states were seen as charmingly folksy and not the instigators of Fascism and global collapse?
 We do, but we're old as shit.
 In spite of this, neither of us had ever seen "Sweet Home Alabama," a film that we knew starred Reese Witherspoon and was presumably set in Alabama. With this scant knowledge, like the maniac from the "Saw" franchise, we decided to play a game.
 Join us if you want to play along at home. Or if you just want to see how we do.
 
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Borderlands

Director Eli Roth is handed an easy project: adapt a successful video game franchise with a built-in story and pre-established sense of humour. How does he do?
Let's not feign suspense. Even non-gamers were aware of what a calamity this became. Join us on the deserted wastelands of the Planet Pandora as we explore the deserted wasteland of ideas that is Borderlands.
 
SHOW NOTES: 
Link to the first game's introduction scene, which is better than the entirety of this film.
Corridor Crew look at Megalopolis
 
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The Holey Awards 25

As awards season heats up, we look back at what we've enjoyed over the past twelve months. It's still an audio only-show, so you'll just have to believe us that all famous recipients turned up to collect their trophies, they were just too shy to be on the show. Thanks to Elton John for hosting the after-party.
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Nightbitch

 She is woman, hear her bark. And complain.  Mostly the complaining thing, actually.
 Amy Adams has a baby and finds herself turning into a dog, in a movie that rapidly goes astray until we're all ready to sit up and beg for a plot. It's pretty ruff. At least, according to this wag.
 ...kibble.
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Bonus episode: The Santa Clause

 There's white powder everywhere and Tim Allen is in a lot of trouble! What is this, an airport in the seventies?!
 No. It's a seemingly lightweight Christmas movie that neither of us had ever seen, which turns out to be more depressing than watching a reindeer choke on a lump of coal.
Download our free Christmas Movie Bingo cards here! 
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Tim Allen was a drug smuggler: https://faroutmagazine.co.uk/tim-allen-arrested-smuggling-cocaine/

Red One

 Two hugely popular stars in a festive buddy romp?! How can this be anything less than "alright as something to stick on over Christmas," without ever exceeding that exact level of quality?!
 We take a look at 'Red One', a film that's... fine.
 
Download our free Christmas Movie Bingo cards here! 
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Variety article that mentions how Sony weren't actually banned from using Spider-Man in their Spider-Man-less Spider-movies: https://variety.com/2024/film/news/kraven-sony-marvel-movies-not-dead-1236249221/

Madame Web / Hot Frosty

 As 'Hot Frosty' turned out to be a lot better than it had any right to be, we moved straight on to 'Madame Web.' How bad could it be?
 Bad enough that it taints everything even tangentially related to spiders. Ziggy Stardust is a worse album because this film exists. You will no longer want to see things on the web because this film exists. Dakota Johnson is... No, alright, she seems like she was always awful. 
 
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Saltburn

Get ready to feel the burn! ...Is absolutely not the tagline for this film. Although it should have been.  Divisive, weird and a clash of social classes, our podcast is all of those things this week as we look at Emerald Fennell's controversial, homoerotic, twisty, semi-satirical, possibly plagiarised film Saltburn. 
SHOW NOTES: 
Broey Deschanel's video essay 'The Untalented Mr Ripley' 
Robot mushrooms; be afraid 
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Joker: Folie à Deux, Heretic, The Substance & Updates

 An update on where we've been, what we've been watching, and our thoughts on a movie that has been called "horrible" and "the worst movie ever made" by the people who were in it. In a year where Dean Cain released six films, that CAN'T be true... 
 
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